An Anthology of Looking: Of Failing and Falling

Walking is an art;
if we are always in a hurry we tire
and cannot reach our destination, the destination of our journey.
Yet if we stop and do not move, we also fail to reach our destination. 

Walking is precisely the art of looking to the horizon, 

thinking about where I want to go, 

and also coping with the weariness that comes from walking. 

Moreover, the way is often hard-going, it is not easy. 

“I want to stay faithful to this journey, but it is not easy; listen: 

there is darkness, 

there are days of darkness, 

days of failure, 

and some days of falling…

someone falls, falls.” 

Yet always keep this in your thoughts: 

do not be afraid of failure, 

do not be afraid of falling. 

In the art of walking it is not falling that matters, but not “staying fallen”. 

Get up quickly, immediately, and continue to go on. 

And this is beautiful: it is working every day, it is walking humanly. 

~ From Pope Francis' address to the students of the Jesuit schools of Italy and Albania, 7 June 2013. Full excerpt on the official Holy See website here. 

Thank you 2012 - Hello 2013!

And to me, the dreaming-out-loud yet be-here-now me: 

in your dreams and your present moments, 

know that I would will always be here.

xoxo, G

An Anthology of Looking: Stephan Moccio - Life

I prefer to be able to sing a song, hence instrumentals have never been my favorite. OK, there are times when you want to just lie back and enjoy or feel the song, but I never been good at just 'enjoying' or 'feeling' a song: I want to be able to 'think about' the song. Hence mere instruments falter me. 

Stephan Moccio, an artist I came to know by chance, is able to make me think about his songs though. A pianist, composer, producer, arranger, conductor and recording artist, he has worked with the likes of Celine Dion, Sarah Brightman, Chantal Kreviazuk, Hayley Westenra, Olivia Newton-John, Seal, Randy Jackson, Joshua Payne, Mario Frangoulis, The Canadian Tenors, and RyanDan. 

Each of his three albums has 20+ tracks (!): almost half are less than 2.5 minutes in duration, a huge percentage of which are less than 1.5 minute. Perfect intermezzos without getting me bored! Just like the breeze: sometimes a quick, gentle breeze is all you need to revive yourself rather than a continuous wind that could leave you gasping for air. If you know what I mean :). 

His tracks with longer duration are a feast to the ears though, and to me a nourishment to the soul. One particular song that I'm very fond of, one that gets me to 'think' of is titled Life - it appears on Stephan's 2nd album Colors (2006), and re-appears on the newest Elements (2012). Everytime I hear the song, I don't just think about the song, but I am able to feel it, enjoy it. I meditate on the song, I can  drown myself in it. It's a song that literally can blow me away. 

http://stephanmoccio.com/music/

An Anthology of Looking: Switchfoot - Restless

I have always have a thing for Switchfoot ever since they went prominently 'public' in 2002, thanks to the movie A Walk to Remember. My sister Marcia brought the OST cassette, and I think we've played it over and over over like a gazillion times. (I wonder if she still has it?). I brought their A Beautiful Letdown cassette (hey, CDs WAS expensive back then, and still is!) -for no reason I can remember, I brought two-, and have then been downloading their albums freely ;p. 

The highlight of my fan-fare so far I think IS when I went to Bali last August 2012 with my bestie @fennyp to see the guys \^o^/. They are just beyond AHSOME!

Their latest album Vice Verses is really a masterpiece - IT IS!

Well, enough said. Here goes Restless, one of the amazing pieces in Vice Verses.

Written by Jon Foreman
From the album "Vice Verses (2011)" 

I am the sea on a moonless night
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of light

I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run 
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams 
Even in my dreams

I am restless, I am restless, I am restless
Looking for you
I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side
I am the one that you left behind
I am the dried-up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won't run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I've always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites

Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling

I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry

I'll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for

With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you 

An Anthology of Looking - Moving On

I just realized that I have not been updating my blog for almost a year. The silly thing is: I write emails almost everyday -that is my job by the way-, but never really find the time make the time to also do some writing on my blog.

Well, this is the last day of Movember, so I think: what the hhhh, let's just write again ok!

It seems also providential that this past week I have been on a whirlwind. There were new scars to mend; although I don't think I would be fully healed, and there were also big decisions to make. Although in the end it seems that no decision was made -because I'm still here, that is- I made one of the most difficult decisions in my life so far: which is to make peace with the things that I cannot seem to change at this point, including staying over in Manado. 

It's a dreadful feeling: I always be the one who control my decisions and jump up to new turnings in a heartbeat with only ME in mind, but hey, lookie there Gracie: you have other people to think about. 

So I stay. It took me a week to pick up myself again, to realize that sometimes you don't have to literally move over to move on. 

Good music and good readings and the sky and my sisters helped me through it all. So for the rest of 2012, I would be posting things that helped me through it all. In an instant I want to call this An Anthology of Looking: because I seem to be static, but I always, and would always, looking out for something more.



   

closing Advent, expecting Christmas

So Advent will end very soon and Christmas is just around the corner. I have not given Advent that much thought actually, until today when I saw a twit from a friend (bye Advent, hello Christmas), and it just hit me .....! Surprise surprise, time is running out: between job, cursing over those earsplitting firecrackers and blaspheming over the rascals who lit them every night outside, choir practice, remedy-ing myself over those 90s songs, emails, shop (what's to shop really?), and practically late night sleeps every other night, hello, I totally lost the whole point of Advent (and eventually will: Christmas)...!

But better late than nothing..., so the next 36 hours or so I hope I can make amend, while chanting in my mind this favorite Advent carol: Veni, Veni Emmanuel! This Latin carol is based on the ancient "O" antiphons of the Roman breviary that dates back to the 8th century. I'll keep this in mind for next Advent: the antiphons actually extend over a one week period which finishes on December 24. It kinda reminds me of Simbang Gabi, hemmm....? Ah, and another surprise: the song actually contains a hidden anagram! Details here - from Gaudium Mundo.

Veni, veni Emmanuel!
Captivum solve Israel,
qui gemit in exsilio,
privatus Dei Filio.
Gaude, gaude; Emmanuel
nascetur pro te, Israel.

Happy Advent!

Yes, it is still Advent, there is still time you know! :)

these past few weeks....

...are truly the times for self-pittance. for me at least.

on the shortness of life

Maybe I'm naive, but life is short, you know? I mean, someday we're not gonna be here. And if that's the case, I want to spend the time that I have doing something that makes my heart race.

~ Troy Gable, in "The Great Buck Howard"

on rulers >< servants

“You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

~ Christ the Lord, as per Mark 10:42-45

j.o.b.s. today

i can spend my whole day spitting and hissing about one incompetent ex-colleague who left without giving nowhere near decent instructions to his replacement, but i will ruin my day and this post may color my good image to my future career recruiters, hence i'll just shut up and do my job which i'm excel at, because i know even in this oh so little company i can make a big difference whereas on the other hand incompetent people will not make any difference and will not be any better whatsoever even if they are working on larger companies.

eat that.

why Jesus prayed may they all be One

Should I be afraid? Jesus wondered.

I answered. ''Not if you are who I think you are.'' I raised my voice. ''You should listen too. You'll learn something.''

In response there was a harsh growl close to where we lay; the room was filled with a fetid odor. A wave of cold terror struck Jesus in the chest.

His body trembled, but he felt my hand on his shoulder. ''Steady. Ignore him, and listen. You already know that God is everywhere. But you haven't take the next step, which is why you wandered the face of the earth until you found me. I am here to give you the knowledge that will provide the final release. If God is everywhere, he is in you. If he is in you, then you are everywhere. Do you understand?''

Jesus trembled as if struck by a terrible fit, my words had struck deep. He no longer heard me speaking, but someone did. The voice of God had been absent for many months. Now it returned again, only this time it was also Jesus's voice, the two so blended that they couldn't be told apart.

"You cannot change the world as long as you are a person. As one man, you will never escape the war between good and evil."

At this the intruder growled menacingly, and Jesus saw two eyes glowing red in the dark. But the threat was useless. The voice continued.

"Only someone who knows the reality between good and evil can know me. I am in all things, without division. This Satan wants you to believe that he rules a place where I am not. But even he is made of God."

The glowing red eyes darted closed, and when they were directly over Jesus, they shot fire. The voice went on, "The Adversary doesn't want anyone to know this, because it would destroy his power. He can hardly admit it to himself. If he is God, the war between us comes to an end, and he thrives on war."

Suddenly the intruder emitted a deafening shriek. The walls of the hut shook. Tears rolled down Jesus's cheeks. I whispered close his ear. ''The final stroke must come from you. It can never be taught, only discovered within. Keep listening.''

Jesus regained control with difficulty. The voice waited and then it said, ''Only someone who can see the demons as part of God is free. Good and evil dissolve. The veil drops away, and all you see is divine light - inside, outside, everywhere. The sight of a rotting corpse becomes as blessed as a rainbow. There is no reality but the light, and you are that light. Your soul is the world's soul. In your resurrection will be the resurrection of the world.''

°°Deepak Chopra - Jesus A Story of Enlightenment (fragments from)°°

mah playlist.....music's never been so yumm....!

1. Mr. Hudson ft. Kanye West - Supernova
Let me be your supernova before you make the biggest mistake of your life, just give me the chance to get it right


2. The Virgins - Rich Girls
We'll walk around prentending we're all grown up....is that the way I see the world?

3. Backstreet Boys - Straight Through My Heart (Soldier Down)
I can't be hit, I just can't escape this love

4. Katy Perry - Waking Up In Vegas
Don't call your mother cause now we're partners in crime

5. Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester - Good Girls Gone Bad
You heard that I was trouble but you couldn't resist...


6. David Cook - Come Back To Me
You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
When you find you, come back to me

7. Mika - We Are Golden
Waking up in the midday sun, what's to live for?

8. Parachute - She Is Love
(lyrics are kinda shabby but I like the song anyway)

9. Jack's Mannequin - La La Lie
Guess what? I'm done

10. Train - Hey, Soul Sister
Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

11. Hellogoodbye - When We First Met
As I kept track of every haircut that we ever had I could, I could see how long it had been

on facebook....

am thinking to fasting from facebook this week.....hmmm....

today....

...pagi yang sendu....

Kak Lia...semangat nehhh...!!!!!!

......susah jo ini orang2 M**an +___________________________+

semangat+++ sore ini ke Tikala Shiatsu, he'he'he'he'he

364 on 365

- did not get enough sleep on the early hours of May 15. plenty of sms and phone calls already. did not really bother ;)
- and then woke up very late for work, hahahahahah.
- arrived at the ofx 10 AM, got plenty of cipika-cipiki, hihihihihi
- kind of a mad day at the ofx, last day of WOC and ppl started to ask for tours. bakuat Kak Jacquie!
- went out during lunch to buy kolintang and musik bambu CDs for US embassy farewell party for the evening. Kak Liany sms-d back and forth about some cute embassy guys who were having lunch at a RM minahasa in front of the ofx, hahahahahahahah
- after lunch, shifting minds between responding emails and tha farewell party.
- also, catching up with friends with all those happy bday greetings at FB. it appears to be a tough job, hahahha
- it's the farewell party indeed!!! Thanks much Kak Jacquie! got at the 11th floor of sintesa at 7pm. managed to take pic with Mr Hume (he-he). hang out. chill out. nice music (where's the kolintang and musik bambu i desperately went out looking for during lunch, d-oh?). nice people. more pics at Rina and Virgie, hopefully they share those soon. a glass of vin blanc really soothes out my day, should-ve asked for more to Wade, *sigh*....what a very good break!
- the party's just end, but the night was still young! went down at the hotel lounge, more talks. there was a bentenan fashion show (from the blocking models? i saw terry around...), kinda cute.....there was this one girl model who always smiled on seeing Wade. (Tracy: "I think she likes you..!") ha-ha
- 11th floor, then G floor, and then heading down to B floor....its time to loosen up those voices, boys and gals!!!!! almost all those chicky Rihanna songs (typical), but then everybody got really warmed up during Spice Up Your Life! what a very good break (and wonderful birthday!) indeed!!!!
- tiredness strike all of us sometimes before midnite......but everyone still managed to dance around the gleaming alleys of deluxe. more pics (oh please Kak Virgie....)
- took a blue cab. arrived home past midnite already.

what a day.....


for your eyes only....(me, Mr Costa, Mr Hume, Liany, Fenny)

serenity....

......one thing I'm praying for during this one time of my life.

t.i.r.e.d

so many things need to do, but uggghhhhhh.......not so little time, just too little energy :(

- adoration. tomorrow, April 14 (Aldo Kalangi's birthday btw)
- J. Blank, tomorrow
- invoices
- should start going on to the gym....hmmmm....
- talk to Filly...
- upload pics to FB. tons of them!
- more invoices
- Linus Air, sigh....
- addicted to True Blood, sigh
- paintings....................................................
- OMG, Easter cards!
- get better lunch without overwhelming my tummy (tsk)
- starting Lasallian youth ministry, heaps to do.
- start reading Edgar Sawtelle again, 100 something pages and I left it out, now I don't remember even a thing on that book. d'oh!
- swim, or sink (d.i.v.e.).....
- my dark circles are getting worse, need longer sleep....(how?)
- better sleep...
- more sleep, seriously.

fragment from an exist journal

Jan 16
23something PM

O Lord,
this love is yours
it came from you
dan bila ia mau dan Kau berkenan
cinta ini bisa kembali padaMu.

Tapi untuk saat ini, detik ini
karena ia masih berada denganku
biarkanlah
I live with it
breathe it, run with it
tertawa dan tersenyum untuknya
dance with it
and

-pardon me-

terkadang menangis.

Karenanya.

all in a day's work...

1. I came in at 9.05 - my boss gave me a big applause *grinning*
2. I sms-ed my exboy for a "lunch date" - he didn't reply. There I broke a pact, set my heart free, and fullfilled my 1st 2009 resolution. YES!
3. I dl-ed 3 songs while drafting on 3 different emails...he-he.
4. AC guys came in, our office is MUCH COOLER now....thank God for them!
5. I finally closed up a Euro 1,622 booking, yay!
6. Fenny came in at 10.30, my boss certainly jumped on her, but she still managed to be calm and show her *innocent* look - gosh I need to learn a lot from her ;)
7. one Macchi guy is giving us a helloutta time - even until the time I'm typing this down. darn!
8. my boss is selling his 21" TV for Rp500.000 - oh, Fenny is soooooo gonna buy it!
9. my boss also selling his Windows98 Acer laptop for Rp500.000 - i was soooo gonna buy it with installment (he-he), but...we'll see! Figure: a new year present for my littlest sister....ooooooooo......*cooing*
10. I'm still here at 7.48 PM, typing whatever that's coming to my mind, d'oh!
11. HEY, haven't you heard????? I BROKE A PACT, I SET MY HEART FREE, and I'VE FULFILLED MY 1ST 2009 RESOLUTIONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you everybody...! - oh wait, especially you, dude! Though I think you'll never gonna read this anyway. lol!